


Taskmaster Christmas Special - LITG Edition

by KittiDot



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 00:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22007200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittiDot/pseuds/KittiDot
Summary: Written as a Secret Santa gift for an amazing LITG fan who is also a Taskmaster fan.Some of the LITG S2 islanders (Gary, Lottie, Chelsea, Arjun and Jakub) have been asked to appear on the Christmas special of Taskmaster. Who will win, and will Greg and Alex survive.Note - this probably won't mean much to anyone who hasn't watched Taskmaster but I hope you enjoy it anyway!For my Secret Santa - thank you for all of the Taskmaster joy!
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Taskmaster Christmas Special - LITG Edition

A grumpy looking man with greying hair is sitting in a large ornate gold and red chair, scowling down the camera lense. Beside him sits a younger man, he has a short beard and the eyes of a startled badger. On his head is a pair of fluffy reindeer antlers, with bells hanging from them. 

“Welcome to the 2019 Christmas Special of Taskmaster! I’m Greg Davies and I have the joy of being the Taskmaster. Joining me in the festive merriment is a man so small that Tiny Tim would tower over him. He’s little, he’s Alex, he’s little Alex Horne!”. 

With no words, Alex moves his head from side to side, causing the bells on the antlers to jingle merrily. Greg’s scowl deepened as he next spoke.

“Don’t annoy me with your jingling Alex. You know I can’t stand jingling”.

Alex looks sheepish and holds his head still until Greg looks away and then can’t resist the urge to shake his head one last time. At the sound Greg reaches over and in one quick movement snatches them off his head and throws them across the studio.

Alex looks sadly at his hands.

“Now that unpleasantness is over, lets meet our guests. Who do we have for this extra special episode, Alex? What legends of the comedy world are gracing our stage?”

Alex shifts in his seat slightly before responding. “Uh, well, we’re going for something a bit different for this special” he sits upright and fixes an enthusiastic look on his face “so we’re joined by some of the stars of the last season of Love Island!”

He begins introducing the five contestants that are sat across from Greg and Alex. One by one Gary, Lottie, Jakub, Arjun and Chelsea are introduced. Gary is clearly trying to play it cool and just nods, with a little ‘alright’ to Greg when he’s introduced. Lottie gives Greg one of her famous death stares, willing him to make a sarcastic comment (even Greg Davies doesn’t dare mess with Lottie). Jakub sits about as upright as humanly possible in his chair, and puffs out his chest. Arjun chooses to run across the stage and give Greg and Alex a hug. Greg looks as though he’s about to resist the hug, but as Arjun’s arms work around his shoulders he submits and lets out a little sigh of happiness. Last, but definitely not least Chelsea squeals, claps her hands in glee and proceeds to tell Greg and Alex how much she loves them. Greg clearly doesn’t know how to deal with this level of enthusiasm and so nods curtly, although he looks as though he might be secretly pleased by the adoration.

“Ok Alex, what items have this happy little group of Love Islanders been asked to bring into the studio for the prize task?”

“Well, in keeping with the Christmas theme, they’ve all been asked to bring in the merriest item they could think of”.

“Ok then, lets see what we’ve got. Gary, what item of merriment have you brought with you today?”

Gary shifted nervously in his seat, adjusted his plaid shirt slightly and then spoke. 

“Well Greg, I thought to myself ‘what makes people laugh and feel merry on Christmas day?’ and realised the answer was the amazing jokes in Christmas crackers, so I’ve brought you a selection of the finest cracker jokes out there”.

Greg raises an eyebrow slightly “Ok Gary, lets see how Merry I feel after hearing one of the jokes”

Gary cleared his throat before continuing “What did Santa do when he went speed dating”

“I don’t know, what did he do?” Greg asked.

“He pulled a right cracker” Gary said, sitting back in his seat after delivering the punchline, clearly confident in his choice of joke, and choosing to ignore Lottie shaking her head slowly beside him. 

Greg’s scowl didn’t lessen, and there was no sign of a smile in response to the joke. Instead he looked over his glasses at Gary before speaking “Gary, I don’t want you to think that I’m not a fan of the traditional Christmas Cracker joke, because I like a laugh over my sprouts as much as the next man, but that joke didn’t leave me feeling merry. If that’s the best of the jokes you’ve brought with you we’re in trouble. Ok, lets see if the next person does any better. Lottie, what have you brought with you?”

A picture of a skull wearing a Santa hat appeared on the screen at the back of the stage. “Well Greg I brought along a replica of a skull, and then just to make it even more merry I added a santa hat”.

Greg looked at the screen. “I do feel surprisingly merry looking at that gruesome item wearing its festive attire. I also feel more merry because I’m reminded that at least it's not my skull”

“Exactly” Lottie responded and then shrugged “and he kind of looks like he’s smiling”. 

“Well he’s made me merrier than the joke so far. Jakub, what did you bring?”

“Nothing makes me happier than some freshly ironed socks, so I brought you a pair that say Merry Christmas” Jakub responded, his voice holding the same slightly petulant tone that had been heard through his time in the villa. 

A pair of red and green socks, immaculately ironed, were displayed on the screen.

“Tell me Jakub, is it the socks or the ironing that makes you feel so happy”?

“Both, Greg. It’s all about looking good, and it starts with ironed socks”.

Greg waved his hands in the space around his own body “Obviously looking good isn’t a source of merriment for me, but I do appreciate the power of a neatly ironed sock. Ok, Arjun, what do you have for me?”

An ear splitting squeal could be heard from Chelsea the moment the next picture appeared on the screen. A framed photo of a group of puppies, each one poking it’s little head out of a box wrapped in either red, green or gold.

“Oh my god, there’s a pug puppy” Chelsea squealed “The cuteness. I can’t even”

“Well you’ve definitely made Chelsea merry Arjun. Me, however, I see through your plan to woo me with cute animals. And it leaves me cold, cold”

Arjun opened his mouth in mock shock “Come on Greg, nothing spreads happiness more than puppies, surely”? 

“Well for me a skull wearing a santa hat is making me feel more merry, so I guess your theory is wrong”.

The audience boo Greg slightly and he shoots a scowl in their direction to shut them up.

“Ok, last item. Chelsea, what have you brought to make me merry?”

“Well Greg, I have a very grumpy Uncle, who you remind me of by the way, and so I brought the only thing that ever seems to make him merry. Alcohol. Lots of alcohol”.

The screen switches from the puppies to a display of twenty different bottles of alcohol. 

Greg sits back in his chair and smiles happily at Chelsea. “Now we’re talking. I’d be merry after that lot. Dead, but merry”. 

Lottie interjected, “Then at least your skull could wear the hat”.

“True” Greg responded. “Ok, I’m giving one point to the jokes, because they are quite frankly awful. Two points go to the picture of the puppies. Three to the socks, four to the skull and five to the alcohol. Copious amounts of alcohol are indeed the key to my inner merry self.

Which means Chelsea is currently in the lead, so it’s time to see how our islanders did in their first task”.

Greg, Alex and the islanders all turn to the screen which is showing the outside of the now-infamous Taskmaster house. 

Chelsea is the first face the audience see on the screen as she picks up an envelope from the table in front of her, opens it and reads the instructions, giggling as she reads.

“Juice or blend the tastiest drink. You may not use fruits or vegetables and you may not poison Alex”.

Chelsea put the card down and looked at the blender on the table, before clearly looking at a cameraman and asking “Ok, but can I just pour Prosecco into the blender? No?”

The screen moves to Arjun who has clearly already read the instructions and requested the food items he wanted to blend. On the table in front of him was almond milk, a huge bar of chocolate, hazelnuts and cinnamon. It was a combination that looked delicious, and Alex’s face looked relaxed as he stood in the corner of the room waiting to try Arjun’s concoction. The noise of the blender drowned out Arjun’s chatter as he talked to the crew about the different options he’d considered. He passed a glass of the thick brown liquid to Alex, who happily took a sip. 

“Arjun, that’s delicious. I can feel my heart pounding from the sugar. But...delicious”

The screen suddenly cut to an entirely different Alex who was stood in the corner of the room, but this time he was with Gary who was carefully picking the non-vegetable contents of a cooked roast dinner off a plate and adding them to the blender. As the gravy, turkey and yorkshire pudding whirred in the blender Alex’s face turned a slight shade of green. It became a more vivid green when a glass of sludgy brown liquid was passed to him by Gary.

“Here you go mate, tell me this isn’t delicious”.

Alex took one sip before putting the glass down, and attempting to speak but finding he was unable to without retching.

“Gary...I…” but the rest of the sentence was lost as Alex fled the room, leaving Gary’s confused face behind him.

Jakub was next. He appeared to be at the stage where he was requesting food items to use.

“Ok, I’ll have some tomatoes then” he said, looking at a crew member behind the camera. “What? No to them as well? They’re fruit? I don’t believe you”.

His face was screwing up in frustration as he tried to think of another food item to request. “Potatoes? No? Ugh. This is too annoying, just get me some milk. Yes that’s all”.

After a cut the audience saw Alex sipping from what looked like a glass of milk which had been made frothy through being put through the blender.

“I mean...it’s milk...so it doesn’t taste bad...but…” Alex took one look at Jakub’s grumpy face and decided to leave the critique there.

A cut to Lottie who had a concoction of tea leaves in front of her and some boiling water. After putting them through the blender she strained it and passed it to Alex, a look of contentment on her face. “Here ya go Alex, Lottie’s special brew. It’s supposed to make you feel energised”.

Lottie served the drink in an ornate teacup, and after a dainty sip, Alex smiled. “Delicious. I do feel energised. I also feel like it’s settling my stomach after the horror Gary created”. He unfortunately turned green at the memory.

The screen cut back to Chelsea who had a bottle of Cola and a tub of neapolitan ice cream in front of her. She poured the Cola in the blender and then began quickly spooning ice cream into the blender. The coke and ice cream started reacting and frothing until it almost reached the rim of the blender. 

“Uh Chelsea...I think it might be about to…”

“Nah, it’s ok” Chelsea cut Alex off with a wave of her manicured hand. She quickly put the lid on the blender and turned it on. Unfortunately, in her haste she hadn't attached the lid properly and it flew off, sending a frothy brown mix of coke and ice cream to every corner of the room, and covering both Chelsea and Alex. 

Chelsea wiped the mixture off her face, which turned from looking shocked to looking amused. 

“See babe, it’s all about the presentation”.

Alex stood, his face showing no emotion, and he slowly ran a finger up his cheek, gathering some of the mixture and then tasting it.

“I mean...it’s not bad...I don’t think I wanted it in my hair...but it tastes ok”.

The screen went black and all attention was on Greg as he weighed up the horror he’d just seen. 

“My god”. He shook his head. “I thought I enjoyed punishing Alex...but a purified roast dinner? My god. I applaud you Gary. Ok, so...points”.

“Jakub...you get one point...you can’t just put some milk in a blender” Jakub started to respond and Greg raised one finger and glared in his direction, which seemed to have an immediate effect. “Chelsea, you get two points. You did a good job of redecorating the room, but that wasn’t a drink. Arjun and Lottie, I’m giving you four points each. Your drinks genuinely looked delicious. And Gary, you get five points, both for having the greatest number of ingredients and also for turning Alex a shade of green never seen before”.

“Yes mate!” Gary exclaimed, pumping the air with his fist. 

The challenges rolled through. The next challenge was a team challenge, Team A being Arjun,Chelsea and Lottie vs Team B - Jakub and Gary, with the challenge being to find something in the house to make a snazzy pair of shoes out of. The girls and Arjun created a passable pair of cardboard shoes using empty tissue boxes and toilet rolls. Chelsea had also found the world’s supply of glitter in one cupboard, and so the shoes were sparkling within minutes. The Jakub and Gary created shoes that were straight out of a horror film by wrapping raw bacon around Jakub’s feet. He attempted to walk in them and fell over, cursing and sliding as he tried to stand again. There was clearly no question in Greg’s mind - Team A won.

After two more challenges involving balancing heavy things on strips of toilet paper and getting Alex to guess what foodstuff they had just dipped their fingers in, both of which were won by Gary, Chelsea and Gary were in the lead. It was time for the final challenge, back in the studio.

Alex began reading the instructions.

“Take it in turns to put a pea either in your mouth or in your hand, the taskmaster will ask you a question and must then guess where your pea is, you must not eat the pea and your answer must contain at least 5 words. If the taskmaster guesses where your pea is you will be eliminated. If not, you’ll last until the next round”.

For the first round both Jakub and Lottie were eliminated as Greg correctly guessed that they had the pea in their hands. Round two saw Arjun eliminated as he slurred his answer to the question ever so slightly and Greg guessed the pea was in his mouth. 

Gary and Chelsea readied themselves for the final round. Disappearing behind a screen that hid their pea decision from Greg, Alex, and the live audience, they reemerged.

Greg approached Chelsea first. “Chelsea, if you could have a dream pet what would it be and what would you call it?”

Chelsea clapped her hands in absolute glee. “Oh my god, I know this one. A pug called Doris and I’d…”

But she stopped talking as something appeared to catch in the back of her throat. With a giant cough the pea came hurtling out of her mouth, hitting Greg squarely in the centre of the left lens of his glasses.

Greg remained stoic as he looked down at Chelsea.

“Well Chelsea, I think, and call me a mind reader, but I think the pea might have been in your mouth”

“Oh Greg, of course it was, silly, and now look, it’s by your foot”.

Greg slowly stepped forward and squashed the pea, before turning to Gary. And that makes the winner of our Christmas special….Gary! Congratulations Gary, you win all of the merry items brought in by your fellow islanders, including your terrible selection of jokes, congratulations!”.

Gary whooped and ran over to the prize table, picking up the skull and pretending to have a conversation with it before putting on the perfectly ironed socks and helping himself to a drink from Chelsea’s selection while stroking the photo of the puppies. 

As the camera’s stopped filming, the group of islanders gathered back together and said goodbye to Greg and Alex. 

“I loved this!” Gary exclaimed.

“Me too!” Chelsea joined in “Can we do this again? Like...a whole series of Love Islanders?”

Greg and Alex shared a worried look before backing away and shaking their heads slightly, all the while waving goodbye with their hands.

“I...I don’t think we could cope with you...that...uhh..it’s been fun, thanks guys”.

And with that, the two men made a hasty retreat.

“Ok then, Taskmaster party at my place?” Arjun asked the group.

“Yes Arjun, amazing plan, we’ll get the whole gang together”. 

The group were smiling and chatting about task ideas before they noticed Jakub was unusually quiet. “What’s up Jakubae?” asked Chelsea, causing him to wince at the nickname. 

He looked at his feet “Can we uh, can we do a task I have a better chance of winning? Weight lifting or something?”

Lottie patted his arm “Of course babe, we’ll have a task to iron the neatest pair of socks. You’ll win, hands down”.

He smiled at that “Yeah, I would you know? I’d smash that”.

And the group left the studio, still planning the next get together and the tasks they would do, blissfully unaware that they’d left two men exhausted and silently drinking neat whisky backstage.


End file.
